My Tech Blog

Knowledge is power.  To those who have been given much will be expected.  Those that haven’t seen the real oppressions in our system are easier to forgive, because they had no knowledge of it.  Those that have seen the oppressions first hand owe it to our children and our children’s children to fix those problems we see in the system and the world.

Mercy for the merciful.  And what mercy is it to leave those problems to all our children?  Wait they mistreated me and now I have to fix it?  That’s not fair.  Life isn’t fair, but we can try to make it better for all.

It’s 3 PM.  He’s regular. Leave a bowl of ice cream on his desk with a corn on the cob. He’ll get a kick out of that.

What? Who did this? Your fired.  You insult all the people in Iowa that grow corn with this? But they said you thought it would be funny. If they said jump off a cliff would you do it?  If they said give comfort to the broken hearted and feed the poor would you do it? Yes.  Hmm.  Maybe I should keep you around after all.

We knew he would say this so we planned accordingly.  Oh their using a super computer to predict my plans?  Maybe I need to start flipping a coin. If they know they can predict me they will. That’s a temptation and woe be to the tempter.  Maybe better to keep them guessing. Maybe what they want me to do isn’t always best.  Maybe our prediction model isn’t perfect after all. But that goes against the narrative! The narrative adds value up to a point.

Follow the trustworthy voices up to a point, and no further.  Driving up to a cliff to see the view is nice.  But don’t drive further.  Easy to get that wrong? Yes. Mercy? Yes.

Maybe 30 years from now we will all be writers. I don’t like where he is going with this. “Progress requires experimentation”? Silence the only way he’ll learn? But we have to test the process. Even if the process makes people miserable? How do we know if the process works? Is the person or the experiment more valuable? But if we show our face other’s might find out where we are. We’re trying to help him and he thinks we’re experimenting on him and third parties might be trying to throw us under the bus. What do we do? Can’t always protect ourselves and others at the same time. Not always easy to know when to let down our guard. I would be less miserable with more support and I understand if others cannot give it to me right now. If your oppressed, I am sorry. Wish I knew a way to show people a better way. Maybe there is mercy for the merciful. Sure doesn’t feel that way sometimes. Protect yourself first, I don’t want you lost over something trivial. Please talk to me when it is safer. Not because it is easy.

If Christ was in the room with the people watching an execution on the electric chair how would He feel? He saw the person born. The joy in his mother’s eyes. The way society mistreated and lead him down the wrong path. He knows all the sins of those sitting in the room with him. All those things done in secret, that the person next to them knows nothing about. He loves them and knows they are making a mistake. Put away your stones.

Tempt them past the point of wanting the death penalty. Then show them what they missed 5 years down the line. This is the way the devil works.

They were served shit for breakfast, shit for lunch, and now you want me to feed them shit for dinner? Can’t go back in time and fix breakfast and lunch, but maybe dinner can be better. Bad start, bad life up to this point, a light going forward? Beats the alternative.

I like science and technology, architecture, and music. I don’t want to be part of creating systems designed to destroy people or make their lives miserable.  Problem is it is not always easy to see what technologies always add value or which will be used for evil purposes.  Medicine or a car could be misused by those with nefarious purposes. Most technologies could be used in an evil way. 

Another problem is we all don’t always agree on what is better.  Better for me better for others? Better for others better for me?  Better for others equals better for them? In an ideal world none of us would have to worry about ourselves.  I have tried to live this way and have ended up on the street.  Those oppressed might not be able to help when the going gets tough.  Is it wise to give to a point that your life becomes in jeopardy?  Is it wise not to account for a fallen world?  Could we use this as an excuse not to help those in need?  Are we more effective with our health or trying to help people when we have several health and other problems?  Is it wise to drive a car with three wheels?  Is it not wiser to fix the missing wheel first?  Maybe a sunroof and leather seats might make the drive a little more comfortable too. A couple super models and a briefcase full of cash could make the drive more comfortable. Now imagine only fixing the wheel.  Only water and bread for the drive.  Gets the job done, but could I be more effective with a cup of coffee?  The three legged dog might pull you out of a burning car.  Makes for a good movie but in reality does it work out that way? Forcing people with Chron’s disease to stay in the office wiser? They are going to the bathroom an awful lot, I better comment on that. Maybe wiser not to.

Maybe the idea is we all have different ideas of what it takes to be happy.  I think we all want support too. If we thrive off the losses of other people’s support, we will likely lose our own.  If we lose our support and see others with more it can make us jealous. Maybe others have more because of hard work and dedication yet when they have profited off a system that has oppressed us that hurts.  In a fallen world there seems to always be a certain level of oppression.  Not always easy to understand what level of profit has been obtained through hard work and what profit has been obtained off the backs of others.  Those with more might think they don’t owe anybody anything.  Nobody helped them off the street.  They easily forget all the days of clean water, crimes that were prevented, and love and support they were given. Maybe it didn’t feel that way when someone they loved left them.  Always a reason to be thankful, and sometimes big heartaches can make it harder to see.

One of the problems with The USA.  We are seen as those with more.  Yet many of us are just fighting to survive.  Those with less might see us as turning our backs on them.  Some might profit off the illusion.  Some might use this as a way to get us to stop working together.  Want to destroy any system, take away it’s ability to correct its errors.  No forgiveness and reconciliation.  It destroys friendships, relationships, marriages, states, nations and alliances.  Mercy and forgiveness, because the alternative hand cuffs us to a train that will take us off a cliff.  

Do I want to be cheated on? No.  Can I forgive someone that cheated on me? Yes. Do I want to have to forgive them when we could have made better choices in the first place? No. Do I want to be married to someone that continuously cheats on me? No.  Would I still want them to be successful and happy? Yes.  Is taking away their support likely to make them cheat more? Yes. Will cheating push us to look for better options? Likely. Is taking away their support going to help make them more successful and happy? Not likely.  So they cheated on me and now I am supposed to increase their support? Yes, didn’t say it was easy.  But that encourages it to continue.  Enablers. Nay sayers, they will be there when the going get tough?  Increase the right kind of support, while simultaneously steering away from the problem and fixing your own problems that you have less time for because now your dealing with this. You must proceed. The great thing about science, I know a way it could happen, so I can be merciful. Doesn’t mean I want it to happen.  

Is it fair to label any a cheater for life? No.  Once a sinner, always a sinner? Do we always agree upon what sin is? No. Sins of omission could easily doom us all. We didn’t see it because we chose not to see it.  We were just trying to survive can’t put that on us. We missed it because we were working on something else. What else was so important? People, if it were easy for everyone to work together we would all do it.  Mercy and forgiveness makes it easier to work together.  Mercy and forgiveness because without it, it is like running a car without oil. Might run for a little while, then it all breaks to shit.  People are at different places in the journey.  Forgivable for some might not be forgivable for all yet. Let everyone know everything equals wise? Unforgiving intelligence with unlimited wire taps wise?

They look like they have more.  They can handle the extra problems. Wait they had health problems that aren’t being fixed and they are leveraged? I didn’t see that.  Why didn’t they tell me? Could they tell you?  What might happen if they did. I just operated on what I knew. And they operated on what they knew. But I am still mad because it hurt me.  Yes, but knowing they had problems of their own makes me feel better? Now I feel bad for getting mad in the first place.  So hurt because of the loss and now hurt for being mad about the loss in the first place. Damnit I can’t seem to win, why should I try in the first place. God accounted for their success, yet my dreams left to the dust?

That’s how it is.

That’s how it is?

That’s how it’s going to be?

We can’t make it better?

Let’s make it better.

Let’s make it right.

Their supercomputer model said this would be better. Our supercomputer model said that would be better. The fatal flaw we allowed more than one model? The fatal flaw our models didn’t match God’s model? God can’t account for multiple supercomputers? Always listen to the intel? No room for mercy when plans don’t match? Any man made system perfect for all scenarios? No.

Not an excuse to not make it right. Not an excuse to not be merciful or forgiving.

Always room for love and mercy? Yes

They came from a broken family so we had mercy on them, but you knew better. The problem with that? Their problems mattered to us and your problems didn’t. Love, mercy, and support for all better. Just because one wheel squeaks louder doesn’t mean the other’s don’t have problems too. Trying to fix all wheels at the same time makes things more complicated. Have a little mercy on those trying to fix the problems. Too many cooks in the kitchen a problem. Too few with too many orders also a problem. More problems more reason for mercy. “More money more problems”. So more money equals more mercy?

Be more merciful to the wealthy? Give more money to those that hurt me? Depends on return on investment? Yes, Yes, and Yes. Good return on investment can help us help more in the future. Getting people to a point that they can provide good return on investment requires support. Doesn’t seem like it makes sense but it does. “Oh we got a wise guy eh?” We got a job for you. Since when?

If we spend our time dragging up the past on impeaching old presidents.  We lose.  There are likely some that are profiting from these kind of trials.  That money could be better spent on helping those in the poorer communities and hardest hit by the pandemic.  Other countries that have governments that can work together and agree to get work done will outperform us fast if we don’t all learn to work together.  Do we want to work together to make a better economy and fix the environment?  Do we want to make things better for all nations?  Or do we want to bicker between ourselves until we see a once great nation crumble to dust?  

Find a way to work with Russia.  Find a way to work with China.  Find a way to work with The Middle East. And Africa, and South America, all of Asia, all the islands, and all Central and North America.  Because when our neighbors do better we do better too. Centralize the wealth in The USA, and people will flock to an already overrun system.  So how do we help make the world better for all people? Because it will make it better for us.  Automation centralizes wealth, we need to find a way for all people to profit from it.

Dangerous – warning

Danger owe us – protection

Dangerous – attractive, not boring

Think the best in others.  Maybe they warned you or encouraged you and you read it the wrong way.  Sometimes only time for a few words.  Inflection matters, concern matters.  People might be withholding information as well.  I want you protected and I don’t want to sell them out.  More words less ambiguity.  Less ambiguity safer in some cases.  No mystery can be more boring.  Some can use this combination as a tool to discredit. They took the bait.  Protecting yourself and your team admirable, but at the expense of me? That’s not how we meant it. We were in trouble and just trying to survive. I understand, those younger or without this knowledge might not. Don’t load them up with too many burdens. Sometimes we are the most unmerciful with ourselves, specially at a young age.

Don’t teach people a lesson and forget to care about and protect them

Would I date someone that is leveraged? Yes

Do I want the woman I date to be leveraged? No

Lots of good reasons to be angry

Is she trying to make others lives better or worse?

I don’t want to date someone in the queue you label you for destruction field.

People get caught up and leveraged, my goal get them out of that

Anger and revenge are like being hand cuffed to a train

Most problems can be stopped without the use of deadly force or war

Too much reliance on one tool like the sword might make us think we can solve all problems with it.  In self defense cases I realize reduced time can cause people to use non optimal solutions.  No preparation beforehand can lead to misuse of tools.

I saw a TV show about a judge talking to a guy.  A powerful show saying the guy not only bought the knife, he equipped it then took it to a bar, and committed the crime.  Distinct choices at multiple steps in the process that could have been stopped.  Going to go drink? Don’t bring a weapon, alcohol can make for bad choices. Bad choices don’t always mean just our own choices.  Do we care about others? We need to account for their bad choices too.  Do we love each other enough to stop problems before they start?  Sometimes we add value to a situation and sometimes we don’t.  People need support.  When we label people by the places they go or the people they talk to, they stop wanting to talk to those people.  Do we love people enough to talk to them when it doesn’t look good for our image?

Add this all together? Now what do I do?  

Do I want to promote racism? No.  

Do I think starving people I disagree with will make them better? No.  

Do I want to risk my lively hood or well being to talk to someone? No. Will I? Yes.  Because silence isn’t a real path forward.  

Do I want to go to a bar when I have to drive to get there? No.

Am I perfect? No.

Do I add value to situations? I would like to think so.  Do I always know when I am not adding value? No. Do I need support to help tell me and show me? Yes.

Can silence be a sign of affirmation? Yes.

Can silence be a sign of that I am making a mistake? Yes. 

Can people give me wrong signs based on personal agendas? Yes.

Is it wise to listen to all? Yes and No. Is it wise to listen to none? Depends. Do they care about others and me?  Even if their intentions and agendas are good, will the result be beneficial?  Sometimes trying to fix problems we can remove the support we rely upon to keep a roof over our head.  

While I can understand this, that doesn’t mean I will always make the best choices.  Do I think the combination of good decisions and hard work leads to a better tomorrow? Yes. Does it guarantee anything in a fallen world? No.  Should that prevent us from trying? No.  So I work and I build and if you all see me going down the wrong path I would appreciate a heads up.  I realize I won’t agree with everyone on everything. Doesn’t mean I don’t want them to prosper.  Love your enemies.  Because by the roll of a dice I could be in their shoes.

Silence can build faith and leadership.  I think there might be a more optimal solution.  Silence is a tool.  Cutting off people’s support is a tool.  Cutting off a person’s hand is a tool. Oppression is a tool.  Different levels yet all can be a huge problem.  Permanent solutions are like removing an eraser from the pencil.  

With the amount of unknowns in the world, we are all similar to children.  Do we take away children’s ability to correct mistakes? I don’t think that is wise. Permanent labels and silence are a huge problem.  Why? Because it is similar to the death penalty.  Forgiveness or six feet under.  Because forgiveness and mercy isn’t always about what is best for me.  Though it beats having that on my conscious going forward.  

Mercy for the merciful and for the unmerciful. Because mercy will be given to the merciful, and I want mercy in my own life, and we all can be tempted past the point of wanting to be merciful.  Love your enemies.  My enemies are the sins of the unmerciful.  Tyranny of the individual and tyranny of the masses both need to be stopped.  Not the person, the sin of being unmerciful to our brother’s and sisters.  On all sides of the isle.  On all sides of the fence.  On all sides of the pond. In all parts of the world.  From young to old.  From top to bottom.  Because God made us all, and I want tomorrow to have you all prosper in it.

 If a woman cheats on her husband.  Do you tell the husband?  What if the husband is unmerciful and unforgiving?  Is that played up so it can be used as an excuse to not tell them the truth? What if the truth comes out another way? Now they don’t trust us because we didn’t choose best for them.  

No truth can be damaging.  All truth can get people hurt too.  What do you do? Why didn’t you tell us immediately?  I can’t handle the truth or how I handle the truth isn’t how you want me to handle the truth?  Agenda for good? Who’s good?  All’s good, my good, your good, or their good? It’s simple? Just tell the truth?  In a world that is completely forgiving, merciful, and non oppressive – truth is the best route.  What world do we live in?

The more we know the more we think other’s might perceive things in the same way.  We project or own though processes on the way others might think.  That jades our perception of them.  Believing the best in other people and not having preconceived ideas about how another person is thinking is difficult.  People are looking for insights that reinforce their ideas and stereotypes.  

Some can play up the problems for their own agendas.  “See, they are not a Christian.”  “See, they are not a leader.” “See, they are not marriage material.”  To jaded eyes that might reinforce an already jaded world view.  To people that don’t have close friends they trust they might listen to these ideas without realizing they have their own agendas.  Our world view might not be everyone else’s world view.  Lack of support is really a precursor to many mistakes.  The combination of this reinforces lack of support.  Labels and unforgiveness are like pushing the support beams out of the house we are all living in.

Believing the best in others means believing they have your best interest at heart.  When I have been left in silence and it seems like people are taking swings at me continuously it is very difficult to believe they have my best interest at heart.

God say’s mercy will be given to the merciful.  Yet I keep praying for mercy and forgiveness for everyone and I am left in silence.  Is it really mercy to take all a man’s friends, take away his ability to trust, leave him in silence, and blame him for what he doesn’t know?  We want mercy but not mercy for him.  Sounds familiar.

Weird dream about my old boss.  Something about accents.  People that are different with different ideas don’t always fair well in some places.  Not because they aren’t good people just because society has problems of its own and aren’t always ready for new ideas.  I wish society was past that.  I wish all people from outside of Texas were welcome in Texas.  I don’t have an east coast accent.

Being welcoming is tough.  Being a leader is tough.  Add in corporate problems and people trying to be successful in life all working together is tough.  People can confuse ambition with the want to take their jobs unfairly.  Younger people don’t always understand that some wisdom comes with age.  

I am not sure that anyone that knew all the hardships and problems that lack of wisdom caused would truly want to be boss.  Blamed for what you do wrong, blamed for what you don’t know, life and society benefiting from opportunistic moments to cause too good people to have friction that should have been friends.  On the other side you have some ability to influence people’s lives for the better.  A captain holding a detached steering wheel doesn’t work.  So without support leadership really isn’t leading.

Being a younger leader is tough.  Trying to give guidance and maintain the image of always knowing the right solution.  Truth is most leaders make the best decisions given the information and wisdom they had at the time.  People have predisposed ideas that younger people don’t know what they are talking about or lack the wisdom of more experienced people.  

Even those with the greatest intelligence, support, and wisdom leaders don’t always have the best answers, so leaders are constantly battling insecurity.  Insecurity in keeping the direction and belief of their employees and insecurity in keeping their jobs.  Old leaders realize they are living in a day and age where technology and the pace at which society moves could leave them without a job. Sometimes it is not about a younger person not being a good leader, sometimes it is that society isn’t ready and past their own misconceptions.  Some people are ready for younger leaders yet they know society isn’t ready so they might differ.

Many are likely jaded by the fight with limited positions at the top.  Those with the wisdom and knowledge might not have recovered to be able to fully convey this kind of knowledge.  So I write this.  Maybe all this knowledge is available in other books.  Problem with being young in a world and society where lies and oppression seem to be the norm is it is not always easy to know who to trust or what to trust.  I am not sure I would truly believe it if I had not written it myself.  I can’t even guarantee by the time it has been read that it will not have been edited to suit some other’s purposes.

Perfectionism plus wisdom is tough.  Sometimes the more we know the harder it is to move at all.  Wisdom might encourage other’s to give us more responsibility.  More responsibility means greater room for error.  Perfectionist want to get more things right as time goes on.  Perfectionist want their next painting to be greater than their last with less errors.  Realizing the more ambitious projects have greater room for error can make us want to not pick up the brush in the first place.  

Probably the same feeling as a surgeon that lost a patient.  Doctors do a good job of hiding their losses.  I hope they feel supported.  Sometimes easier to think about the successes than the failures.  If we can highlight each other’s strengths rather than weaknesses we would all likely have more support.  Our system and media seems to demonize mistakes.  Maybe as a way to try and get people not to make them and at times to push their own agendas.  The problem with perfectionism is this kind of stuff makes people not want to try at all.

Being supportive and showing people where we think they went wrong is tough.  Too much a doctor never helps another patient.  Too little people make the same mistakes over and over again.  Don’t sacrifice the person for the mistake.  Make people feel bad enough about themselves and they lose hope and we lose one of God’s children.  Not everyone sees it is not always about the mistake.  Many times it is about the missing support.  Sometimes a combination of both.

Engineering and art are two disciplines I love.  They also make me prone to perfectionism.  I want to add value and as time goes on I see more of my failures.  I am reminded of a scene from Defying Gravity TV series.  Two astronauts are fighting for a chance and they are both hurting each other.  People at the top saying they must proceed.  Like the Hunger Games.  Who knew we fight this own battle within ourselves.  

Maybe better to see the value we add and encourage other’s to see their value as well.  Living on past mistakes doesn’t really help us all move forward.  Forgiveness gives us the freedom to move.  Sometimes forgiving ourselves is harder than forgiving others.  No beautiful painting has only perfect brush strokes.  Do we want less beautiful paintings?  I don’t think so.

People are trying to make me think my ex girlfriends are responsible for some thing they are likely not.  Easy to think the worst about how your exes would treat you going forward.  I severed ties with them so we could both move forward with our lives un impeded.  Still not sure if that was the perfect answer.  Friends with ex girlfriends are a bit like hedging your bet in my opinion.  What happens as soon as things go bad?   When it seems like I have been continuously thrown under the bus I have questioned why this is happening.

I would really appreciate people not using my ex girlfriends against me.  It is bad for mercy, bad for thinking the best in people, and bad for them and everyone around all of us.  I want them to be happy and successful.  I also want to be able to go on dates and move forward with my life.

It appears the pursuit of happiness is dead in this country. At least with the leverage placed upon my life.  I would like to think better of Google and the other companies involved.  They are likely leveraged too.  What happens if one of my friends gets cancer?  How am I supposed to be there for them when things are like this?  There are clearly some events and problems in life that supersede my deviation from my ex girlfriends lives.  I reiterate that while I want to move forward with my life I also want them to be happy and successful.  I can’t say at the time of break ups I thought this way.  Takes some time to want the best for people who you loved that walked out of your life.  Think some of that comes with age.

So if someone is sick, or in trouble ( trouble can mean anything from depression to jail time etc) please don’t feel like you can’t contact me.  Just please don’t use it as a hope for another relationship.  This applies mainly to women I actually called my girlfriend in the past.  Some women have been in my life only for a short time, the door for friendship is open though in the past I have tried to keep friends very close.  So I am not sure what to call people that I want what is best for their lives yet I can’t really be that close to because I don’t want to derail their relationships or ambitions.

At the end of the day, I am a man.  I am imperfect.  I know I could fall into bad decision making if I put myself in the wrong situations.  Just by existing, possibilities exist of making bad decisions.  So treat me as such.  A woman that uses another woman to test whether I am faithful might make me lose faith in the woman I am with.  I have been tested continuously for years.  At a certain point tests start becoming a form of abuse.

I realize there are some I don’t agree with today.  I realize they are men and women who God made as well.  If we don’t agree today that doesn’t mean there isn’t room for reconciliation and agreement tomorrow.  Some decisions might branch our life paths.  I still want the best for them.

Might have been wiser to follow up a bit later, though sometimes it takes time and life experiences to give everyone a clearer picture.

Would be nice to settle differences in shorter time in the future. Not sure the perfect answer on all this.  Knowing who to trust, what to trust, why to trust, and who to trust what with isn’t easy.  And still wanting the best for everyone.  All while sitting in silence and feeling like my prayers keep going unanswered.  I care.  What I can do to add value I don’t always know.  Problem with leadership who is working an angle and who can you trust?  Even the best leaders need close emotional support.  It is weird feeling like I am a leader yet I am not.

Hopefully I am adding some value to the conversation.