My Tech Blog

The more we know the more we think other’s might perceive things in the same way.  We project or own though processes on the way others might think.  That jades our perception of them.  Believing the best in other people and not having preconceived ideas about how another person is thinking is difficult.  People are looking for insights that reinforce their ideas and stereotypes.  

Some can play up the problems for their own agendas.  “See, they are not a Christian.”  “See, they are not a leader.” “See, they are not marriage material.”  To jaded eyes that might reinforce an already jaded world view.  To people that don’t have close friends they trust they might listen to these ideas without realizing they have their own agendas.  Our world view might not be everyone else’s world view.  Lack of support is really a precursor to many mistakes.  The combination of this reinforces lack of support.  Labels and unforgiveness are like pushing the support beams out of the house we are all living in.

Believing the best in others means believing they have your best interest at heart.  When I have been left in silence and it seems like people are taking swings at me continuously it is very difficult to believe they have my best interest at heart.

God say’s mercy will be given to the merciful.  Yet I keep praying for mercy and forgiveness for everyone and I am left in silence.  Is it really mercy to take all a man’s friends, take away his ability to trust, leave him in silence, and blame him for what he doesn’t know?  We want mercy but not mercy for him.  Sounds familiar.

Weird dream about my old boss.  Something about accents.  People that are different with different ideas don’t always fair well in some places.  Not because they aren’t good people just because society has problems of its own and aren’t always ready for new ideas.  I wish society was past that.  I wish all people from outside of Texas were welcome in Texas.  I don’t have an east coast accent.

Being welcoming is tough.  Being a leader is tough.  Add in corporate problems and people trying to be successful in life all working together is tough.  People can confuse ambition with the want to take their jobs unfairly.  Younger people don’t always understand that some wisdom comes with age.  

I am not sure that anyone that knew all the hardships and problems that lack of wisdom caused would truly want to be boss.  Blamed for what you do wrong, blamed for what you don’t know, life and society benefiting from opportunistic moments to cause too good people to have friction that should have been friends.  On the other side you have some ability to influence people’s lives for the better.  A captain holding a detached steering wheel doesn’t work.  So without support leadership really isn’t leading.

Being a younger leader is tough.  Trying to give guidance and maintain the image of always knowing the right solution.  Truth is most leaders make the best decisions given the information and wisdom they had at the time.  People have predisposed ideas that younger people don’t know what they are talking about or lack the wisdom of more experienced people.  

Even those with the greatest intelligence, support, and wisdom leaders don’t always have the best answers, so leaders are constantly battling insecurity.  Insecurity in keeping the direction and belief of their employees and insecurity in keeping their jobs.  Old leaders realize they are living in a day and age where technology and the pace at which society moves could leave them without a job. Sometimes it is not about a younger person not being a good leader, sometimes it is that society isn’t ready and past their own misconceptions.  Some people are ready for younger leaders yet they know society isn’t ready so they might differ.

Many are likely jaded by the fight with limited positions at the top.  Those with the wisdom and knowledge might not have recovered to be able to fully convey this kind of knowledge.  So I write this.  Maybe all this knowledge is available in other books.  Problem with being young in a world and society where lies and oppression seem to be the norm is it is not always easy to know who to trust or what to trust.  I am not sure I would truly believe it if I had not written it myself.  I can’t even guarantee by the time it has been read that it will not have been edited to suit some other’s purposes.

Perfectionism plus wisdom is tough.  Sometimes the more we know the harder it is to move at all.  Wisdom might encourage other’s to give us more responsibility.  More responsibility means greater room for error.  Perfectionist want to get more things right as time goes on.  Perfectionist want their next painting to be greater than their last with less errors.  Realizing the more ambitious projects have greater room for error can make us want to not pick up the brush in the first place.  

Probably the same feeling as a surgeon that lost a patient.  Doctors do a good job of hiding their losses.  I hope they feel supported.  Sometimes easier to think about the successes than the failures.  If we can highlight each other’s strengths rather than weaknesses we would all likely have more support.  Our system and media seems to demonize mistakes.  Maybe as a way to try and get people not to make them and at times to push their own agendas.  The problem with perfectionism is this kind of stuff makes people not want to try at all.

Being supportive and showing people where we think they went wrong is tough.  Too much a doctor never helps another patient.  Too little people make the same mistakes over and over again.  Don’t sacrifice the person for the mistake.  Make people feel bad enough about themselves and they lose hope and we lose one of God’s children.  Not everyone sees it is not always about the mistake.  Many times it is about the missing support.  Sometimes a combination of both.

Engineering and art are two disciplines I love.  They also make me prone to perfectionism.  I want to add value and as time goes on I see more of my failures.  I am reminded of a scene from Defying Gravity TV series.  Two astronauts are fighting for a chance and they are both hurting each other.  People at the top saying they must proceed.  Like the Hunger Games.  Who knew we fight this own battle within ourselves.  

Maybe better to see the value we add and encourage other’s to see their value as well.  Living on past mistakes doesn’t really help us all move forward.  Forgiveness gives us the freedom to move.  Sometimes forgiving ourselves is harder than forgiving others.  No beautiful painting has only perfect brush strokes.  Do we want less beautiful paintings?  I don’t think so.

People are trying to make me think my ex girlfriends are responsible for some thing they are likely not.  Easy to think the worst about how your exes would treat you going forward.  I severed ties with them so we could both move forward with our lives un impeded.  Still not sure if that was the perfect answer.  Friends with ex girlfriends are a bit like hedging your bet in my opinion.  What happens as soon as things go bad?   When it seems like I have been continuously thrown under the bus I have questioned why this is happening.

I would really appreciate people not using my ex girlfriends against me.  It is bad for mercy, bad for thinking the best in people, and bad for them and everyone around all of us.  I want them to be happy and successful.  I also want to be able to go on dates and move forward with my life.

It appears the pursuit of happiness is dead in this country. At least with the leverage placed upon my life.  I would like to think better of Google and the other companies involved.  They are likely leveraged too.  What happens if one of my friends gets cancer?  How am I supposed to be there for them when things are like this?  There are clearly some events and problems in life that supersede my deviation from my ex girlfriends lives.  I reiterate that while I want to move forward with my life I also want them to be happy and successful.  I can’t say at the time of break ups I thought this way.  Takes some time to want the best for people who you loved that walked out of your life.  Think some of that comes with age.

So if someone is sick, or in trouble ( trouble can mean anything from depression to jail time etc) please don’t feel like you can’t contact me.  Just please don’t use it as a hope for another relationship.  This applies mainly to women I actually called my girlfriend in the past.  Some women have been in my life only for a short time, the door for friendship is open though in the past I have tried to keep friends very close.  So I am not sure what to call people that I want what is best for their lives yet I can’t really be that close to because I don’t want to derail their relationships or ambitions.

At the end of the day, I am a man.  I am imperfect.  I know I could fall into bad decision making if I put myself in the wrong situations.  Just by existing, possibilities exist of making bad decisions.  So treat me as such.  A woman that uses another woman to test whether I am faithful might make me lose faith in the woman I am with.  I have been tested continuously for years.  At a certain point tests start becoming a form of abuse.

I realize there are some I don’t agree with today.  I realize they are men and women who God made as well.  If we don’t agree today that doesn’t mean there isn’t room for reconciliation and agreement tomorrow.  Some decisions might branch our life paths.  I still want the best for them.

Might have been wiser to follow up a bit later, though sometimes it takes time and life experiences to give everyone a clearer picture.

Would be nice to settle differences in shorter time in the future. Not sure the perfect answer on all this.  Knowing who to trust, what to trust, why to trust, and who to trust what with isn’t easy.  And still wanting the best for everyone.  All while sitting in silence and feeling like my prayers keep going unanswered.  I care.  What I can do to add value I don’t always know.  Problem with leadership who is working an angle and who can you trust?  Even the best leaders need close emotional support.  It is weird feeling like I am a leader yet I am not.

Hopefully I am adding some value to the conversation.

Joel Osteen has given me some encouragement during dark days.  I think telling everyone that it was part of God’s plan their life sucked for a while is not fair.  God’s people can withstand hardships and persecutions.  Though I think that is more attributable to man’s sinful nature than God’s plan.  God’s plan was for me to be beaten and thrown in a cage?  Reconciling that with a God that loves us seems a bit difficult.  If we were all treating each other as we wish to be treated would we have wars, and murder, and theft?  

God already sent his son to pay the price.  All so we can continue to have these hardships and problems?  Christ payed the price and there is still evil in the world.  There is wisdom in choosing your battles and marching on past obstacles.  There is also times where action is needed.  Figuring out those times is difficult and why we need God’s help.

God made the earth.  I don’t think it was a part of his plan for that seagull to crap on your head.  Scams are part of the system, ideally not part of God’s plan.  God can help us learn from some hard experiences.  Doesn’t mean that was what he wanted in the first place.

This isn’t to say I think Joel Osteen’s heart is in the wrong place or I don’t appreciate many of his sermons.  Probably be a great friend to have in my life.  I just know we all make mistakes and sometimes get a bad hand, and I don’t want to think that a loving God designed me for that.  

Maybe better to think God will turn the hardships in life to something good.  Just don’t want to say it was right for it to happen in the first place.  Sometimes we miss big pitches for many reasons.  We missed it, we’re sorry and make the best of it from here.  Better to blame and point fingers?  That would be like knocking out the supports of the house we live under.  Another good reason not to let life get bad enough for anyone.  Though sometimes we all miss that one.  We missed it, we’re sorry and how do we make it better from here?

I like China.  I want their people to feel loved and respected.  The memorial lights were beautiful yet they seemed closer to Oriental than to USA tradition.  Might have been better to have more lights that represent the diversity of all nations.  I want us to represent peace yet not bow in submission to any nation.  A nod as a sign of respect I like and can see the benefit over handshakes.  Kneeling or bowing to other nations seems to have more connotations.

A lot of people trying to do something nice I appreciate.  Just with everything else going on this seemed a bit strange. Further it might have an opposite effect of saying these deaths are the responsibility of China. I don’t think it is fair to blame a virus on one nation. In a hurricane we can support each other or point fingers. Support is my choice though I know I fall short at times.

100 years from now the oppression of both The United States and China will be more visible. The advances in technology if used properly will help us make both systems better for all people. The advanced civilizations will look back at all of us and will see what we got wrong and what we got right. I would like those future generations to be able to be proud that we turned the tide against oppression and mercilessness. We found a way to love and care for all people in society. My guess is there are somethings I got right, somethings I got wrong, and somethings I couldn’t for see. I would like to say we made great advances in technology to help make each other’s lives better. My current impression is there is a lot out there currently designed to make us miserable. We can do better for future generations. A phone should be a tool for support and to keep people connected. Not to run people off cliffs.

Some philosophers talked about how if everyone did something it would help show the problem in the morality of the action.  What happens if everyone lies, if everyone steals etc.  Some people seem to be in the business of making my life this way.  For every mistake I have made they surround me with similar.  Problem with this?  Prevents me from helping others in need.  

Justice can be unmerciful.  It can be unmerciful to the wrong people.  It seems like those executing it on my life don’t care about the others in my life.  Not looking for perfection.  The level of this is ridiculous.  Scamming the scammer doesn’t make the scammer scam less.  Or it might trade the scam for something worse.  Better to look at the motivations of the person in the first place.  Possibly help show them a better path to pursue their happiness.  No discipline bad.  Too much discipline bad.  The wrong kind of discipline bad. Can a system that executes a man really claim to love that man? Someone created by God we just throw in the gutter? Self defense and protection is different. Tough decisions to defuse a situation are sometimes necessary. When we have a guy locked in a cage it is not protection.

Don’t throw this on the President or any one man. I don’t want a country that alternates between leaving the other side under the bus. We need to get away from such strong words as people being cult followers, nazis, bigots etc. Demonizing each other can destabilize our system. The system has been unfair and there have been real injustices as well. If we destroy the system those injustices could be furthered. People teaching a CEO a lesson might make him miss something big. Better to help work together to help solve the injustices.

I don’t want shit swept under the rug. The reality is also not always so black and white.

Real conversation is hard. I value it though because it can save many.

Lots of narratives being pushed these days and difficult to know which one to believe.  Our intel agencies appear to be under funded.  The corporate marketplace is getting more and more difficult.

People need work and healthcare.  Labels detract from both.  If we fail to fight oppression we will become oppressed.  I prefer non violent routes.  If the oppressed become the oppressors we end up with a new version of the same problem.  Seems to be the same cycle through much of the world and history.  People get pushed too far.  They stop forgiving.  When they stop forgiving they stop working with each other.  Chaos ensues.  People that lose wives and dream jobs end up with more time on their hands.  Not always great for society as a whole.  Some roll better with the punches than others.

I wish I had a historian friend.  Someone who could show me the precursors to a good balanced society.  Even well meaning people can’t always understand the cause and effect.  I am trying to.  Hopefully others lives are better than mine right now.  Democracy while beautiful can be a bit fragile without great protections in place.  The power of technology and corporations and media all together seem like they might have more power than the government meant to protect them.  That seems like it could make the situation much more volatile.  Just saying things are volatile might make the situation more volatile.  

Being left in silence makes it more difficult to know what can be said and what shouldn’t be.  If we say the stock market has better days ahead it might make the stocks better.  If we say gloom and doom it might add to more difficult times.  Part of the problem with predictive analysis built into supercomputers.  Words have greater consequences.  Those who say nothing and those who say everything can both add value to the system and can both detract.  Not always clear how the words will effect the system.  I would like to think that time and practice can make for better decisions. Not always.  I try to believe the best and leave the rest in God’s hands.

Truth and a positive spin.  Because smiling for the camera can help raise people’s spirits out of the gutter.  Would much rather give something real for people to smile about.  Has to be painful for the doctors to see all their losses on a giant scoreboard.  I like knowing what’s going on and a jaded work force is less productive.

The problem with unknowns.  People can estimate how a situation will work out.  There are likely many more possible outcomes than just the ones we think of at the time.  What we think other people are thinking and what actually is going on leaves a lot open.  I think it went this way and they think it went that way.  Two people jaded in their own ways and with their own agendas.  

Even if we want the best for other’s we might not have had the same life experiences they had.  So our ability to solve or add value might not be there.  Think the best and roll the dice. No guarantees the deck isn’t stacked.  Add in investigators or people with their own agendas, people start to think the system is rigged against them.  They stop wanting to roll the dice.  Harder to believe in God when it seems like everything isn’t working out. The more we know sometimes the more difficult to trust others. I can forgive and some paths I don’t want to walk down.

I will say one thing, whatever all I have been experiencing doesn’t make me feel loved.  I pray and things still don’t work out. Puts a bit of a damper on things. Actresses probably keep smiling regardless. Raises my spirits, something to be thankful for. So maybe I just need to smile more. Not honest but if enough people smile maybe we will all make each other feel better. Then the smiles are honest. Maybe the problem is I associate smiles with people being happy. Though if I don’t it makes me want to smile less. If I don’t smile I could give other’s the satisfaction of seeing me unhappy. I don’t want to encourage that. Though if people think I am happy they might not want to help. So I will smile and try to be happy. I pray that God will not make it a fraud.

I am speaking up, not sure how much good it is doing.  People that don’t see positive change might scale up the problem.  If corporations and Hollywood doesn’t balance things better how can we expect our citizens to?  I want peace and some simple solutions could help solve a lot of woes.  The images on FoxNews.com do look a bit better than they did a few months ago.  So props on that.  Seeing all this stuff at different times can make it more difficult to see where the problems are actually occurring, so my apologies if I comment on something that is already fixed.

I am not advocating putting a black tarp over everything.  No proper channels can cause people to act out.  If this kind of stuff continues I might just turn off watching the news until it is fixed.  Professional News requires a higher level of attention to detail.  I like the people, the content seems to be scaling out of control and will ruin the positive voices.  This could make fighting oppression impossible.  We need trustworthy voices in charge.  I do appreciate some clever jokes.  What I am seeing now makes me want to dial it back a bit.  I know we all contribute to the problems at times and we all need to watch out for each other too.

I realize people have a tendency to over compensate in the opposite direction. Not advocating that.  Not trying to make all the women look like Grandma’s.

I am trying to read The Bible and I am seeing some in appropriate ads on Biblegateway.com. Fox News.com needs to fix that as well, but they are not a religious service.  Strippers welcome at Church.  Stripper pole on top of the alter not cool.  No balance equals problems.  Maybe we would have more conservatives if Fox News was more considerate.  I like beautiful women.  Forcing people to view some of that imagery when just trying to read the news not cool.  Victoria Secrets in the mall cool.  Victoria Secrets with no walls next to the children’s section not cool. 

No subtlety lacks class in my opinion.  Stephanie told me she was over 20 so if I messed that up I am sorry. I liked her.  Match matched me with Michelle and she told me about her job in real estate.  Maybe she was too young.  When people are encouraged to lie it really makes things more difficult.  I wish getting a date wasn’t like pulling teeth.

The death penalty and lack of mercy might get younger women to do crazy things to get someone in trouble out of jeopardy.  Another damn good reason to not be unmerciful.  I want a woman that wants me, not a string to break the chains off others.  I want the chains off others regardless.  I understand the motivation can’t we all find a way to be more merciful to all?

This isn’t about blaming anyone. I just want this content to be friendlier for all. Fixing a problem doesn’t mean leaving CEOs out on the street. Protect everyone top to bottom and bottom to top. And please for mercies sake stop making the middle man’s life a living hell.