Miserable

I have had 20 years of silence. Feels like I am going through this World alone and now I can’t be there for my family. It hurts.

I have had my ability to keep a job reduced. Been put on SSI and then had that removed out from under me. That is miserable, hard to recover from, not sure I will recover from.

Insufficient support adds up, this is my 40th birthday, I am spending alone. It hurts.

My Mother is in the Hospital with a broken hip, my phones and accounts have been turned off. It hurts.

I am tired and I am scared. Money sounds nice, yet I am not sure I would have enough time to spend it.

Eternal Life sounds nice, yet I pray for rain and it does not rain, makes it hard to think Eternal Life is waiting for me. I have thought I was dead and lived multiple times, makes me think Eternal Life might be possible.

I don’t like being stuck in my home town, I don’t really want to die in my hometown. I don’t know how to make it all better.

I want people in my home town to be blessed, I feel trapped.

Please forgive me for what I have done wrong. Acknowledgment I am imperfect, acknowledgement I don’t know how to fix this.

May God bless all people’s beds with warm toes.