Thoughts

Let’s be honest, people that care about me should tell me what’s up.  I can woddle my way into the truth or people can help me out.  A direct conversation can save years of heartache.  Not everyone has the right words to say to each other but it’s likely somewhere on the earth somebody does.  When we throw up walls between each other and sit in self righteous indignation souls are lost.  Silence can cost lives.  No organization should use silence as their entry mechanism.  People that throw up road blocks in my life are not helping.  Years of this shit on my life is enough.  Years of the pain you all have caused my family is enough.  If you have something to say to me say it, don’t push me around sideways because it can cost lives.  There are more than direct ways to say things and I understand that.  It does not cancel the need for direct conversation.  If you have a problem with me say it.

If you keep your child at home they might be protected but lives might be lost by the lives they could have influenced for the better.  If you let your child in the world they could save lives, take lives, or be taken.  Life is rolling the dice.  Given that fact and that everyone in it is rolling the dice, not instilling forgiveness, mercy, and reconciliation is a mistake.  I have been beaten, drugged, and terrorized.  Had my situations shifted without my consent.  I am still alive until God takes me.  Each day is a new day and everyone deserves more chances while they are breathing.  Forgiveness and reconciliation usually requires taking a hit on pride and protectionism.  Forgive someone they might come back to bite you later.  Don’t and someone else still might.  God is in control and petty squabbles might make us miss the axe above our head.  Forgive and reconcile quickly.  Tomorrow is not gaurunteed and festering anger can scale up problems for everyone.  The Bible teaches this, sometimes it is hard to related to words spoken years ago

Don’t confuse my ability to put up with shit as me liking it.  I do like attitude. Not shitty attitude.  Attitude that lets people speak up when they know something isn’t right, attitude that tells me where I am wrong, attitude that lets people not be afraid to show who they really are, attitude that protects the little guy when no one else will, attitude that refrains from saying what they could to protect someone.  Attitude that saves, attitude that fights for the better for all.  If we demonize people for the pitches they miss, they stop stepping up to the plate.  I like home runs.  I like goals.  I like touchdowns.  I like people working together to help solve each other’s problems.  Probably best to keep people in the loop so you don’t step on each other’s toes.  It is nice to make things a surprise sometimes that said well meaning people’s individual actions can be in the right place and the combination can have unintended side effects.

Younger generations don’t always have this wisdom. This world is tough and when you are fighting to survive gaining wisdom isn’t always the primary goal. It is imperative on people that have wisdom to share it with each other and for those that listen to help find a way to speak it to others in the community. Not out of judgement and condemnation, not from a high horse of moral superiority, but humility and love. I understand the want not to overburden and sometimes a light touch is not enough. If people don’t think you care about them wisdom is muted. If you are going to drink leave the keys at home. Excessive drinking wrecks relationships and causes people to say things and make decisions they wish they hadn’t. If you prevent a man from achieving his goals he might turn to the bottle. Don’t toy with on and off relationships, you are nobodies doormat. Don’t modulate each others support networks, misery lies down that path. Don’t put your faith in the wrong people, you might not know their situation – so don’t have your life be a product of their control. Call people on their shit. Thank God for unanswered prayers – though my heart kind of half believes that one. How do we claim to care about people when we are supposed to be cool with them leaving our lives. I am glad it didn’t work out, I am not sure we could have been friends, and I lost a friend. Something being good and dark at the same time. Fighting for ones country is beautiful and honorable and seeing your friends die or suffer life long injuries from a war isn’t pretty – or so I imagine not ever experiencing war myself. My war was trying to speak up when being made out to be crazy, and trying to survive the storm of being on the street. Having my status constantly shifted all while having some of the people I wanted by my side never give me the time of day. I try to imagine the best, covert operations that prevented people from having real conversations with me, and at the end of the day I am still alone. On the plus side, someone that never trusted me enough to tell me the truth could have never made me truly happy. Don’t make someone the tool of a ten year long investigation without speaking with them directly. One person disappearing hurts, people disappearing over and over really hurts. People on the sidelines matter too. The job isn’t done if their life is left in shambles. Can’t rewrite the past but we can try and repair it where we have failed.

If you are given two options that aren’t right and have enough time, find a side door. Planning in advance saves lives. We don’t always have enough time and if I failed I am sorry for that. Being beaten like a piñata made me untrusting and I waited a little too long.

I don’t need to be President. I hope some of the words I have been inspired to write have a positive effect. God, The Bible, tons of artwork (including various industries and sports), and my life experiences all contribute. Hopefully it is a light to someone out there.